Intentional Living vs. Performing: Redefining Success on My Own Terms

This is the part where you may start to think I’m a little unhinged. But hey *self-check* I’m not letting the fear of judgment stop me from being my authentic self anymore.

I’ve lived my whole life on someone else’s agenda. Literally. Every. Single. Step. Of. The. Way.
Always listening, always following the voices around me. So when I say I’m redefining success on my own terms, I mean I’m starting from the ground up.

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The Traditional Success Trap: Titles, Salaries, and External Approval

In last week’s post on reclaiming my voice, I mentioned that I had wanted to be a teacher. I meant it. I still want to, in some shape or form. Maybe not in a classroom, but as someone who guides or coaches others through life. 

But back then? That dream was dismissed before I even had a chance to explore it.

I was told to follow in my sister’s footsteps, so I did the closest thing I could: I earned two biology degrees because I knew an M.D. wasn’t realistic without genuine passion. 

I had a “safe” job lined up before I graduated and it was totally fine, but “fine” wasn’t good enough for my parents. 

I was told I needed more education – a PhD or an MBA. So I went for the MBA, convincing myself it was my choice, even though my only real freedom was picking between two degrees.

Then came marriage. I was told I had to find a husband before switching careers post-MBA. And honestly? By then, I was heartbroken by the double standard. School was mandatory when it fit their plan, but my career pivot wasn’t when it fit mine. What about me…?

So I doubled down, hunting for a job and a husband at the same time. 

Two years later, I was told yet again that my new job didn’t pay enough. So I pivoted again, from one Fortune 500 company to another — chasing money and approval instead of alignment.

Identifying the Trap: Performing for Success vs. Living with Purpose

And here I am, over a decade later, realizing I’ve been performing for others more than truly living. My career may look impressive on paper, but it doesn’t feel like mine. Sure, it pays the bills and that’s always necessary, but I can’t justify the time I’m spending on work that drains me instead of excites me. 

Performing for traditional notions of success (i.e. higher education, nice titles and salaries) isn’t the same as achieving authentic success. Achieving authentic success should feel like it fits you – not the version of you others expect.

Redefining Success: Finding Alignment Through Intentional Living

For so long, like many South Asian Millennials and Gen Z, I believed success was about titles, salaries, and external approval. Now, I see success as alignment

True success is living intentionally. It’s earning enough to live comfortably, but spending your days doing things that light you up. Because money was never the end goal.

I now see money as a tool – something that only supports a meaningful life, not defines it. (Check out my Intentional Finance post where I share how I’ve learned to approach money with intention — along with practical tips for budgeting and growing money with purpose.)

Walking away from a career that pays the bills isn’t easy, but it doesn’t have to be all-or-nothing. Small intentional shifts count:

• Taking on side projects that energize me, even if they don’t pay extra.
• Saying no to draining work, even when I feel pressure to say yes.
• Harnessing my mornings for moving or reflection, instead of diving straight into work chaos.
• Surrounding myself with people who value purpose over prestige.

Success isn’t about more money or accolades. Someone making $50K a year can feel richer in joy than someone making $200K who dreads Monday every week. Achieving authentic success means fulfillment — not performance.

Reclaiming Joy: Why Meaningful Work Feels Like Play

As I shared last week, reclaiming my voice hasn’t been easy. Many of us South Asians were taught to measure success by performing for others – by fulfilling expectations rather than desires.

But here’s a game-changer: When we love the work we do, work feels like play. No more watching the clock, waiting for “real life” to start. 

Growing up, I was scolded for playing too much, but now I see that play isn’t a distraction – it’s a source of clarity, creativity, and purpose. Play is often the missing piece many of us overlook in our work.

We’re taught to hustle, to earn, to impress. That’s what society normalizes, so we don’t blink an eye when we end up in meaningless work. But what if success can actually be meaningful, playful, and exciting, instead of just necessary?

Keep following here to see how.

Ancient Wisdom for Modern Success

Today, I see success as living with purpose and alignment with values that feel true to me. And what’s beautiful is that the wisdom guiding me now was always in my own heritage.

Next month, for Hindu Heritage Month, I’ll dive deeper into these roots – starting with Ayurveda, and then exploring Dharma, the compass that’s reshaped how I define fulfillment. It’s wild how the wisdom I once dismissed as “too traditional” now feels like the most modern, grounding truth I know.

Because achieving authentic success isn’t about leaving your roots behind – it’s about returning to them with intention and carrying forward what matters.

Be sure to catch these upcoming posts – Subscribe below and I’ll send them straight to your inbox + my 7-Day Intentional Living Workbook FREE as a BONUS.

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Let’s Define Success on Your Terms

How do you define success? By titles and salaries, or by alignment with your values? What’s one small change you could make this week to live more intentionally?  Drop a comment below or DM me on Instagram. I’d love to hear your perspective!

For even more insight on redefining success, check out Payal Kadakia’s groundbreaking approach to success here!