What Intentional Living Means to Me – Reclaiming Myself

Ever feel like you’re living someone else’s life instead of your own?

The Autopilot Trap: Why Obedience Makes Desi Millennials Lose Their Voice

I didn’t grow up living with intention at all. As a Desi Millennial, I was raised to say yes, stay quiet, and shrink myself into who others wanted me to be.

As a child, I loved to play but was told I played too much.
I loved reading, but was guilted for not reading as much as my sister.
I expressed I wanted to be a teacher — and was told I wouldn’t make enough.

I was constantly compared to my ambitious, academically gifted sister. I was pushed to follow her path, act like her, do everything to be more like her. I still remember all those Sundays spent hiding under the dining table playing, with a stack of books nearby, ready to pretend I was reading if my parents peaked under.

Without even realizing it, I started chasing a life that wasn’t mine, not because it always made sense for me, but because it felt like the only right way.

Ironically, my parents often praised me for being the adaptable one. Unlike my so-called stubborn sister, I bent easily. I gave in. I let go of my opinions, my preferences, and my voice, until it felt natural to let others decide my path.

Adaptability can be a strength, yes. But not when it means- 

• Earning degrees I never truly wanted
• Staying stuck in a career that doesn’t fulfill me
• Saying yes to every request at the expense of myself

Looking back, I realize how quickly I abandoned my own passions just because someone else thought they knew best.
And in doing so, I lost the sound of my own voice.

Reclaiming Your Voice: Unlearning People-Pleasing

For me, living with intention is about unlearning this pattern — the one that teaches us to please, perform, and perfect instead of pause.

It’s a radical shift from living passively based on what others want, to actively choosing what serves you. And that’s especially hard when you’ve grown up in the South Asian diaspora which rewards obedience over individuality.

As an adult, I’m still learning how to use my voice again.
It’s not easy. It’s still hard to say no to my parents. It’s still hard to decline a friend’s invite.
I still catch myself saying yes out of guilt, not desire.

But here’s the truth:
Every time we say yes to something that drains us, we’re saying no to something that fills us.

So why do we hold other people’s comfort above our own peace?
Why do we treat their happiness as more important than our own?

This is the mindset I’m unlearning — one conscious choice at a time.

A Desi Millennial’s Guide to Living With Intention

Living intentionally means becoming aware – of what nourishes you, and what doesn’t.
It’s pausing long enough to ask:

• Does this serve me or deplete me?
• Does this align with my values?
• Am I doing this out of love, or out of guilt or fear?

The answers won’t look the same for everyone. And that’s exactly the point.

Intentional living is about choosing what’s true for you, even when it defies expectations.

Let’s say you value service, so you choose to help your parents clean the house.
You value adventure, so you say yes to axe throwing with friends.
But you also value peace, so you skip Diwali at your aunt’s because her energy leaves you drained.

All of these choices are valid. The key is that you chose them consciously.

If you’re unsure where to start, try this – before your next yes, pause and ask, Am I doing this from obligation or from alignment? That tiny pause is one of the most underrated acts of self-care.

Even small shifts count. Maybe you usually watch 3 hours of TV to unwind but realize you only need 1.5. That extra time becomes a walk, a hobby, or quality time with your partner. Small, but meaningful.

Breaking Cultural Cycles: Intentional Living Is a Daily Practice of Re-Alignment

Living with alignment isn’t a perfect routine — it’s a daily practice of realignment.
Especially for Desi Millennials and Gen Z who have spent years silencing our own voices.

As South Asians, many of us are only now learning to say no without guilt, choose ourselves without shame, and reclaim peace without apology.

This is about unlearning hustle culture, breaking cycles of people-pleasing, and writing a new story that feels rooted and real.

So if you’re on this journey too — if you’re learning to live life for you — you’re not alone.
We’re in this together.

If you’re ready to reclaim your voice and live on your own terms – Subscribe for your FREE 7-Day Intentional Living Workbook.

Check out my post on redefining success on my own terms for the next step in living intentionally!

For more tips on breaking free from external opinions and judgments, check out Mel Robbins’ The Let Them Theory

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Your Turn

The truth is that intentional living looks different for everyone. For me, it’s about reclaiming myself so I can live aligned with my values and create intentional joy.

Where in your life are you living on autopilot instead of on purpose? Share in the comments below or DM me on Instagram. I’d love to hear your story and walk this journey with you.